If You want me to

This is a song my Ginny Owens. It's one the most beautiful songs I've ever heard. It expresses what I am exactly feeling in my previous post. It was also one of the songs I was listening to on the bus that caused me to be teary eyed. It was a strange sight... a guy weeping to himself... dang!

If you are in a situation yourself, let the Lord be your strength and delight and may this words be your prayer as well.

The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I don’t know the reason why you brought me here
But just because you love me the way that you do
I’m gonna walk through the valley
If you want me to

Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I’m clinging to the promise you’re not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will go through the fire
If you want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that’s not my home
But you never said it would be easy
You only said I’d never go alone

So when the whole world turns against me
And I’m all by myself
And I can’t hear you answer my cries for help
I’ll remember the suffering your love put you through
And I will go through the valley
If you want me to

Run to You pt. 2

A sudden gush of emotions flowed through my body. Oh man, sounds so charismatic! But it's so wierd! I was reading Serene's (tan) blog and I was so encouraged by her total abandonement to her faith in Christ and her willingness to obey the Lord by honoring her parents despite their opposition. If u have been reading, u know what I am talking about. What does it gotta do with what I was feeling?

I am thinking about how I have been in the past month. Things will indeed change. I have to change, I have no choice. It's a phase of life that we all must go through. As I said earlier, a "Gethsamane" that we have to go through and tell the Lord "let your will be done, not mine." When u said that in your prayer what are the implications? What does it demands?

1) Total commitment
2) Total trust
3) Total abandonement
4) Total change

The struggles has been good! The people that needed to know knew. The support that I have through my pillar of friends that God have surrounded me with have blessed me richly. I have a new perspective which I am still learning to cope with. I am learning once again to deal with my weaknesses, which I pray that will become my strength. I am glad for the trials that comes my way. It showed me who I trusted most. I trust God.

There were many times when my flesh was urging me to compromise, I struggled with the thoughts. I wanted to maintain my testimony, but I also want to indulge in my own lust. I prayed everytime, I wrestled with the Lord. I counted the cost and I didn't want to pay the price of regrets. What worth is there in serving our selfish ways? All I can see is misery in light of eternity, a gapping hole in my testimony.

What do others to see in me?

A testimony with patches sewn by the Lord's hands?

A testimonial that is marked

by tears of joy and regrets

that are dried in the sunshine

of His grace and mercy?

A legacy for all to see

that the Lord has indeed been

good to me?

Can they feel the Grace that surrounds

and mercy that abounds

which let me live again?

My GOD My GOD!

Let me be alive

As the Word brings life to me.

I have been so dry in the desert of my self-centredness

You have not been far in times my witness failed

You kept me near the cross and let me know you're with me all this while

To You

I am sorry

I fell when I tried but I failed

So I run to You

Where I am free

Back to You where I am home

I am starving for

God's Word! I got this from Serene's (Tan) blog. What a solid truth! What splendid assurance! The beauty of it all. Praise the Lord!

"As for God, his way is perfect;

the word of the Lord is flawless,

He is a shield for all who take refuge in Him.

For who is God besides the Lord?

And who is the Rock except our God?

It is God who arms me with strength

and makes my way perfect.

He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;

he enables me to stand on the heights"

Sam 22:31-34

Change

Something has to give

Something has to be re-arranged

I don't know what it will be for now

But something has to be done

Did you see it coming?

You used to rely on the Lord with your whole heart. Your relationship with God was more important than the cares of this world. You used to be so eager to learn, so eager to explore where your young, innocent and intuitive mind. Today, I see a different you. You seemed to have it all, but you actually lost your zeal. Do you know that you can be seen by all and yet no one really knows what is going through inside your head?

When did it begin to go wrong? When did you begin to silence your conscience when it was screaming out to you do the right thing? When did you shut the lit on the Spirit of God that prays with groaning which words cannot explain? Don't be an expert in covering your wrong steps. Where you are at is not a lie, you ended at where you're at because you stop doing what u used to do. I do not know what you did to make it go on a down-grade, but I know what u didn't do. Have you gone for bible-study lately? Have you spent time praying alone lately? Have you worship the Lord in everything u do?

Pls do not misundertand me. I am not talking about a life that is impossible to live by, but a purpose in life that is waiting for u to realise and explore. Can you remember when everything was simple then and you didn't care about what others thought about you? You were so carefree. U had wings that are fresh and u can't wait to flucture and fly away. You weren't ready for the world, but you went out anyway. I knew you would crash-land, that is why I was always praying and waiting for u to realised your mistake. There are many lessons that u need to learn before u start conquering, but before that u must train and be well equipted. Don't believe everything the world tells u. They tell u that u are ready to go; they tell u that u have to be independant; they tell u to do what u feel like doing and dun let others stop you. But where did those voices take u to?

When did it all went wrong? What did u stop doing that cause the decline in your life? Get back to God. Get covered by Him while His grace still abounds. Did u realise your decline? It has arrived and you are sliding further downwards with each act of willful abandonement of what u used to hold on to.

I don't what you to fall away. I will be there when u need a hand and help pull u out of the mud.

Thanks, bro!

The fact that wanted to stay with me to help me in my playing speaks so much man. And it was a great opportunity for me to share with you what's in my heart. I was blessed by you. I hope I have blessed u too.

Thanks!

Shoot today was ...

My i-Pod was playing "Rain Down" and on the walk-way were girls sashaying in their bikinis during a pre-event judging thingie. I thought that was very funny. Many things were definitely raining in my mind. One on two nevermind, but 16 model-wannabes at the Ellite Model Look 2005 at Zouk.

Just what the heck wast doing there? I dun wanna tell u! Ha... Aiya, I was doing sound for the company that is covering the event lah. I was there at 1 and I didn't have to do interviews until 11.30pm. During the actual thing, I just made sure that no one kicks the camera and I was so bored that I listened to my iPod.

Mis-placed Desire

I've been playing and thinking too much about drums.

In You (v. 5)

This is the 5th version of "In You" that I've composed. I think it will be the last and the one that I'll most likely would present to Ps CX for consideration to be sung in the Youth Service. Inside the song contains some bible verses that spoke to my heart recently. I hope that as you read, u'll make it your prayer. Ask me and I'll sing for u, if u are lucky, I might even dance for ya.

Verse 1
O Lord pls guard our heart
From all our selfish ways
That seeks to rise above
The knowledge of Your ways

Chorus 1
We all deserve to die
As our world and yours collide
Will You open up our eyes?
To see you in our sights

Verse 2
O Lord we place our trust
In You with all our hearts
To walk and to obey
Your word through all our days

Chorus 2
We may fall along the way
Remind us what you said
The righteous shall live by faith
Approved in everyway

Chorus 3
So we offer a sacrifice
To you we give our lives
You are most glorified
When we're most satisfied in You...

Ending
In You I find my peace
In You I find my place to be
It doesn't matter what I've been
You're always there to share my pain
I found love in You
I found it hard to not believe
What you said in Your words
I believe that it's strange but it's true

I am never satisfied! When can I stop blogging and just go and sleep? But something tells me to share this. I met Amy, Ps Janet, Glenn and Phane at PS to day after rehearsal to collect Amy's wedding invite. As we chat we were updating each other about our ministry. As I shared, I became so wound up as I shared the anguish and joy of being in youth ministry. As I shared with them, I couldn't help but think about all the young people I have the previlege of working with and to be a blessing to. Esp those that knew me since I started music and cell ministry. Some of them have become buddy-buddy as they grow up. That's what I want them to become. One of my prayers for them was and still is that

You, O Lord, will protect your children from harm that this treacherous world may throw at them. They may fail bitterly and miserably, but I pray that they will not fail totally because of your mighty work of Grace. Prosper them in whatever they do and may your favour go before them like a shield. Teach them your ways and I pray that they'll obey in everyday and in everyway. I know I can't be with them every time, but abide in them and let them know u are with them. In Your arms do I feel safe, so I place them into your arms because I know they too will be safe in your embrace. Thank You for taking care of them, my Father, My God and King. In the name of Your only begotten Son, Jesus Christ, I pray. Amen

All my time, tears and prayers are not wasted. I am still praying for all of you!

Reminded

This was written on the whiteboard at L4R7 by Andrea's friend, Clara. She was studying for her As with Nat and a few CJ friends. It reminded me of the time I did the same when I studied for my O levels back in 92. Back then it was fun and life was not as complicating as now. Today's youth and today's problem with is so different from my time, but the call to stay committed to Christ still echoes thru the passage of time. "NO COMPROMISE" as we have sung, we won't finish the race if we come undone. Young people, not-so-young people the call breaks the age barriers. In our sphere of influence, do not compromise. Keep the faith, stay faithful and endure to the very end. This world's reward are saw dust in comparison to the rewards that we will receive if we endure all the way. I pray that you will keep your eyes fix on the Lord. May the Lord be your strength alway!

When was I last a teenager? That was 10 years ago! I guess age is not a barrier if we want to live with zest and fervour. I have joy in my life not just on the mountain, but even in the valleys of time. I thank the Lord for His grace, which is O so sufficient to cover the world's sin, which even includes me.

I am a bit sick

I am sick of blogging about my spiritual condition because it is not edifying at all. But i guess I've shared enough and I really appreciate if u guys keep me in prayer.

One thing's for sure, I am giving up the fight. I will not let my flesh overcome me, but to overcome my flesh with prayer.

I think I shall take a rest now... yes, rest...

In Memorium

In Memorium

GLORIA
2001-2005

It felt so good whenever we went crazy on-stage. I can never forget the energy that we give out and the way it drove me to play hard with zest as if every beat is a matter of life and death. It's either u like u or hate us, we were loud, very loud, but we all felt so good!



All good things come to an end. I have my freelance work and my commitment in church which didn't allow me to commit much to the band. The band didn't fall apart in anyway but there was a sense of tiredness within the band since I announced that I'll stepped down. Sometimes I feel bad about the break-up (Break-up!!!) coz we were not doing anything creative during our last month together. The band stayed intact for almost 2 more months before Ah Ney decided to call it off. If Josh or Jon called it off, I think it'll still remain, but because it's Ah Ney's decision we felt that it was the right time. Remember, he was the one with "Gloria" tattooed on his back. It meant so much more to him.

The last gig with them was literally a wash-out. We played after a heavy downpour at Sonic Festival 05. We played only 3 songs due to time, but it was a great short set. I gave each of them a big hug after playing. I just downloaded the songs into my iPod lat night during August Home, the kind of emotions that we are known for came flooding back. Some of the words that Josh sang left a mark, like a tattoo u never thought u had, but it's been there since I joined them. What a timely reminder. Josh wrote this for his friend who's mum passed away. As I listened to it over and over again, I felt the Lord was speaking to me. It's the same prayer that I've been uttering since this great awakening within me happened.

Time will heal your bitter days

Rain begins to fall

I was with you though I was far

You did not have to cry alone

I'll come knocking into your life

I'll take your misery away

When you speak the words of truth

I just want to be with you no matter what...

What good came out of this band? To me, everything was good! The memories we shared will always be in my heart. I esp remember our two KL trip with fondness coz we were so close and we had so much fun. Drumming wise, I learned so much as a hard drummer through the different style we went through. At least I can boast about playing emo-hardcore before. Can Fhly, Recluse, CFS or TOSOG do that? Nah! The question that some friends want to know is whther we will we play together again for friendship's sake? We're still friends, but playing together has a different feel of togetherness. I hope one day we will at least play a decent last gig together again.

May be "once in September"... Soli Deo Gloria!

Praying from the other side of glory

I realised that prayer warriors pray in tears because they feel helpless about their situation. Under this poverty of the heart, which cries out for the God's intervention, the tears flows out because of the sense of desperation.

I am desperate!!

I need ur help

Answer my plea before I drown in the pool of my tears.

Rescue me before I am overcome by my fears!

I can't see clearly with these swallon eyes.

I know it's costly and I'm paying the price.

As I stay on my knees to petition my needs,

I pray that your favour will be upon me.

For You, Lord, are worthy today and forever.

Show me Your glory and majesty this hour.

These are some songs that's been uplifting my spirits. Music is such a powerful thing. Thank God for music, but I constantly remind myself that music cannot be compared to the Word of God. The Word of God is the ultimate prescription for us all. Anyway, here are some of the songs that I've been playing on repeat mode.

1) Learning to breath - Switchfoot
2) Hang on to You - Delirious
3) Walk on - U2
4) Big - Planetshakers
5) Will You - POD
6) Run to You - TOSOG
7) Rain Down -Planetshakers
8) Psalm - Precious Death
9) Meant to live - Switchfoot
10) TIM - Galactic Cowboys
11) The moon is down - Further Seems Forever
12) Wings of Dawn - Chinese worship song
13) *Another Chinese song that Ps Ben talked about on Sunday.

What have u been listening to? Care to share?

Learning

Hello, good morning, how you do?

What makes your rising sun so new?

I could use a fresh beginning too

All of my regrets are nothing new

So this is the way that I say I need you

This is the way that I'm

Learning to breathe

I'm learning to crawl

I'm finding that you and you alone can break my fall

I'm living again, awake and alive

I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies

So this is the way that I say I need you

This is the way that I say I love you

This is the way that I say I'm yours

This is the way, this is the way

"Learning to breath" by Switchfoot

O God, I need u like I need air. That is how much I need You whenever my flesh tries to choke me with my own selfishness. When I think about Your goodness, I am comforted. As I breath in You, fill my whole being with your power to overcome the sin that so easily entagles me. I don't want to drift away! I want to know at the earliest time when I start to wander. To return to the surface of your rich grace to breath in You. I need u more and more!

More than ever...

Somebody thinks that I am cute

I hung out with the one that matters yesterday. It has been a long time since we hung out at lunch time. It was a short but good time together. There was this mini-Thai fair at IMM and there was one vendor doing foot-reflexology. The one that mattered asked me if I'd like to give it a try. I shook my head and I went...


Then the one that matters said I looked very cute.

O man! Take back ur bag of goods! Nothing satisfies me more that the ONE that matters.

What a night of practice

This was taken from Joel's blog:

It's nice to play with a team that doesn't try to play too much. Despite needing to carry on writing my essay in the cab to church, despite feeling tired and worn from the thinking, and the non-producing, despite all the heaviness, tonight's practice was good. As I said to ken, we were tight as spandex. At least, till we got tired... Jenn, Jeremy and Sam :) It was a joy...

We were rehearsing for the special evangelistic service on the 3rd with Paul Goulet. I was very glad to know the line up consisted of the four of us (including Ricky who was on duty today). The band was really kicking. Something I have not felt in the CAMY practices. I think it's due to experience. We treated those songs with care and in a professional manner with was commendable. I could see Ps Jimmy (who'll be leading worship that night) enjoyed himself. I am surprised by the way he led. He is quite good!

A what service some of u might ask. Yes, Paul Goulet. Since the retreat, I've learned to be more discerning with wisdom. I am not going to do what I did then. But I will pray! Since he is coming, I'll pray instead. I believe God will help make it a great meeting!

Reflection

"... Elijah was 'a man of like passions as we are,' but alas! We are not men of like prayer as he was! One praying man stands as a majority with God! Today God is bypassing men-not because they are too ignorant, but because they are too self-sufficient. Breathren, our abilities are our handicaps, and our talents our stumbling blocks!"

- Leonard Ravenhill

Elijah was a man "of like passion" as we. Yet how was he able to become a great prophet of God? Can you remember other characters in the bible with a more deplorable track-record? I could think of a few; Joseph's past when in his youthful ignorance boast about the vision of stars bowing to him.; Moses, the original doubting Thomas who sometimes tends to forget the Lord's command; Sansom, a judge of Israel with a weakness for women; Saul (later Paul) thought he knew a lot when he persecuted Christians; Simon Peter said he won't deny Jesus, but eventually did when Jesus was arrested. Despite their shortcomings, we remember them for their accomplishments. God used them to accomplished His purpose in times when they rely undeniably on God and not themselves. I came to realise this in a big big way. That God is ever so patient with us. Despite our weakness, He still uses us to display his Glory. He made it so evident to the world that on our own, we cannot accomplish anything that is of eternal value, but in Christ we can do all things!

In my own weaknesses, I've fallen so many times; I've tasted the bitterness of my folly. I commit myself to warn others never to commit the same mistake again by teaching them the Word of God. It is so easy to think we have "arrived". O what arrogance of the mind! What misery of the heart. What poverty of the spirit! I have nothing but ashes on my head and I prefer to roll in the dust rather than walk in streets of gold.

I do not want to live that way again. I've been greatly humbled by God's hands. I conceded that my trial may be a long one that I must endure. All this, as I found out, were sent to make me fix my eyes on Jesus. If I do not, I will surely fall away! As I deal with my set of struggles, I pray and I ask God to give me strength to live each day. I want to help others again, but before I do that I must help myself. I got to pray, I've got to rely totally on God! I won't take the easy road of compromise! I want God's success, His approval and His blessing. My trials here are nothing compared to what is install for me in Glory.

I rejoice in my pain, I rejoice in my shame

Through all my trials and temptations

I will not be afraid because You are with me

The Other Side of Glory

Smile

I think the things that's bugging me has caused me to put on a frown more than a smile. It seems like the most natural facial expression sometimes. But I also realised how it can affect others. I think I better control myself and not frown. I feel the facial stress sometimes. This one sounds like a nursery rhyme...

When you turn you head

My face breaks from it's frown

When our glances meet

I couldn't resist a smile

Look away again and let me be

Let the frown return to me

The Other Side of Glory

Yeah, I really feel tired from all the frowns and all the mel feeling that I've been feeling lately. It's a new week man! What are u going to do about it? Me? I'll try my best not to waste it!

Light Up Ahead

I thank the Lord for His grace. I've been spending so many nights like this thinking and thinking alone; praying and reflecting on how things must be and how things could have been if I have done things another way. I do not regret, I bear the consequences of my gathsemane. I'll bear the splinters of my cross. I'll bear the blisters on my feet. There is a peaceful flame burnign in me. Oh no, if I sing "In You, the flood gates will open!! Ah, there is a light up ahead...

Take this heart of darkness

I give it upand all the emptiness

You fill it up

The times that I feel nothing

You bring enough

So I can live for something
You lift me up!

It gets so complicated

If you live enough

Turn into what you hated

You're breaking up

The times I feel like nothing

You bring enough

So I can live for something

You lift me up!

And all these bad dreams

I wake up to the light

And when I can't see

I wake up to your eyes

Wake me up

There's a light up ahead

Further Seems Forever

Foolz: Kit Yee and Yixian

I had lunch with Jeanie, Kit Yee and Yixian. Yixian is the latest addition to Foolz. She is only 14, so young, but I couldn't tell. I thought she was Kit's age. After Jeanie left, I hung out with Kit and Xian. I had a good time listening to them and sharing my life with them. I realised that I missed all of them. I am so happy to know that they have grown in faith and in numbers. I am so proud of them! I am so glad that they are in good hands under Jeanie and victor. What great guys!

Oh Joel Boey had his testimony in the bulletin. It's not about success or anything, but it's an honest reflection of the struggles as a believer. I love the way Joey did it for this week. I wonder if I am too old to add my own testimony?

During service, we sabo Jialiang to go on stage. I thought it was very apt coz I always have an impression of him fulfilling his purpose as a missionary (eversince he shocked us when he shared what he wanted to become). I am praying for him! I still can't forget the way he prayed for me during the retreat. What a guy!

Back to life

I have not been reading for the past week or two. The little episode I am going through has prevented me from absorbing anything. I became very selective of what I wanna read. I became so indisciplne. So when I read the newspaper and "Won't Waste Your Life" earlier in the evening I was so filled with inspiration. I read an article about how this guy is living His life to the full going thru 6 bypass surgery in 5 hours. He was a fit man and nothing was suppose to go wrong. Thank God he survived. What made it more inpiring was the fact that He was a Christian and He kept thanking the Lord which was something I need to hear. An impetus to my spiritual life. What can I say about John Piper? I just needed a push on my back.

At least this is a sign that I am trying resuming normalcy. It's going to be quite a week, I assure u. In my fear to fall, I might. In my fear to fail, I might. In my fear of God, I might overcome. What a prospect... therefore I have hope!

New week = New hope

The fact that I am alive tomorrow will be an act of God's grace. I am so undeserving of all the things in life, yet the Lord has been good and allowed things to happen to me. I thank Him even for the trials that come my way. I look forward to the new week. It's a new week to crush the temptations. It's a new week to carry the cross. It's a new week to go thru my "Gethsamane", I will not give up!

Reveal in me a brand new heart

Install within a brand new start

May Christ in my life forever reign

I'll live to die to live again

The Other Side of Glory

My all sufficiency

And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.
2Co 12:9-10

Thanks for sharing this verse to me.

Nuff said, never regreted it! Everything we go through has a purpose.

The other side of a random though

What lies on the other side?

"How is your spiritual life?" That is one of the most difficult question to answer because we don't want to "lose face" sometimes. Why dun we be honest with each other? We should carry one another's burden, pray for one another, build each other up, etc. Dun abuse the secrets that others share with you. I feel that something is happening in the lives of the R-agers around me. There is a sudden deep sense of Godliness in their lives. Read the blogs, talk to them or listen to what they share. There is indeed a hunger.

There are many things that hinders their growth. One of them is their temperament; their character traits. I dun know what kind of system they use to identify which group they belonged to. But I get pretty disgusted when I some of them say "Oh, he is Sanguine/ Melancholic! He is like that". Years ago, I learned one principle called "Spirit-controlled" temperament. In my opinion, that temperatment should supercede all others. God can certainly make a Mighty Mouse out of Mickey. Make a pussycat out of Goliath. He can bring the proud to their knees, He definitely overturn our weakness and transform in His power for His glory! Just how much do we let our natural self reign is us? Do we truly trust Him with ALL our hearts and lean not on our own understanding? Why is our path not always straight (Prov 3:5-6)?

O I pray that we see he misery and poverty of our soul. Without Christ, all else is nothing. I pray that you'll be patient in your walk with the Lord. The struggles that we go through goes to show that God cares and trials are one of the ways that God use to mold us. Don't despair, be in prayer. In due time, we will be overcome! Who are we? Christians, rite? We bear His name! SO we will also inherit his promises and everything that He is to us and more! Like a child, let's look to our heavenly Father and trust Him. What great comfort and assurance in His love for us! Now we can live...

So what lies in The Other Side? When you walk thru the door, are u looking forward to your rewards in Christ or are still unsure because u have not truly lived a Christ-centred life? I pray that you'll find your peace in knowing God and what He promised in His Word. Assurance are there, salvation is free! If God open ur eyes to see, why look else where? We may not be in "Glory" yet, but life here at the other side, we can experience a glimpes of what is to come.

Hang in there!

I forgot to mention

I forgot to mention that the song "Run to You" is dedicated to my homies who went with me to the EA trip because it was written during the trip. Click here to see the poem I originally written. U guys and girls are the best, esp the ladies below! I dunno if I looked after them or they looked after me. We were a good team!

Oh, I forgot to mention that I have already finised recording a demo of that song. So leave a comment and just type "Running to Him" and I'll send it to u via msn.

Run to You

I finally finished the song. It was conceptualised in July 13 during the EA trip. The circumstances of my heart helped me find the key to unlock this song. Will be presented from the other side of glory soon.

Give me a confidence

To face each passing day
A chance to see Your pow'r

At work in everyway
Do not be far from me

In times my witness fails
But keep me near the cross

Aand guide me while I'm here

The prodding in my heart

Reveals a hunger in my soul
The life You gave I dare not waste

Cos it's not my own
Grant me the strength to trust

In You in everything I do
Let every action, thought

And word draw me to You

To You
I’m sorry
I fell when I tried

But I failed
So I run to You

My need

Lord, u're the greatest example to us all...

I need u Lord...

Lord I am struggling, struggling
To get back up on my feet
Lift me up to a higher place
So I can feel You on my feet
Come walk with me
I need Your love to set me free
So lift me up when I fall
So I might know You

Lord I am following, following
The way my mind is telling me
I lay my life, a living sacrifice
To have more of You and less of myself in me
Don't let me be
I need your mercy to lose this misery

When I fall down
I know You're there
When I picked me up
I know You really cared

So lift me up when I fall
So I might know you

I need You

W. W. J. D.?

Last night

Last night I had worship practice. Gideon reminded me about what I told them last week. We're given one life to live and we should give our best whenever we play for the service. I didn't give my best for the first half of the rehearsal but later, I think I found my groove and thought that I played much better. It's been a long time since I played with a frown and fury. O man, I was into it like when I was playing with Gloria (hmmm, sounds wrong) though I think I over did it at some point.

I just want to give my all despite what I was feeling inside. To do the right thing despite the cries of my flesh and the world saying, "Conform! Conform!" I won't give in! I won't fail! The Lord really is a strong tower, trustworthy is He; in Him I trust and I will not turn my back away. Oh, I rather suffer the consequences of not conforming than to to suffer the consequence of disobeying the Lord. I look forward to my treasures where moth and rust cannot destroy and where thief can't steal. I don't want ashes. I want to trade my ashes in for beauty! As I quote all these verses, my spirit just fell on it's knees in agonizing prayer. I lay every burden down at the foot of the Cross.

Oh, the reason I felt I played well at the practice was because of one simple thing. I changed to a 7A stick which allow me to wack and not hold back and still not be too loud.

I came home and was on the phone for 2 hours with two friends. I have never chatted on the phone for such a long time! I kind of liked it even though I had to work today.

If I fall away

What would be the consequences if I fall away from the faith? I have seen Sunday School teachers of my time fell away. I kept telling myself to watch I do, be careful how I do things. Don't put myself in a position where my principles, convictions and beliefs (ain't they all the same?) will be compromised. I don't mind the challenge, but am I strong enough to resist the forbidden fruit? O how I love to think I can do all things, but I can't. Only thru Christ can I overcome. On my own I only make things worse.

I wonder what would cause me to fall away. I dun want to fool myself to think that I will not fall. That is foolish pride! I want to be aware of my weakness and let Christ be my strength. I dun want to fail my wife, leaders, co-workers and friends. Ultimately I don't want a shame to the Gospel. May my life be true because the Word is living truth!

O God, by Your mercy show me my misery of trusting myself instead of trusting You.

Never let me sleep in peace until I find me peace in You.

O God, by Your grace I bid all earthly systems farewell and enter into union with You.

Never relent your hands from me until I see your face.

Let God or Die

I was thinking about bondages that grips some believers. I want to know how far does psychology play in Christian counselling. There are so many views and so many arrows flying overhead to prove their point. Who's right and who's wrong? There is a fine line in between. I believe that God heals, but God also give us the gifts of doctors or psychologist, etc. I still go to the doctor when I am sick an I do pray along. But what about matters of the heart. Is scripture sufficient? How highly do we value God's principles? If u are in some churches, u'll either go thru counselling or deliverance, are these biblical? Even if they are effective, are they the best soultion? . But I wonder if the scriptures and power of the Holy Spirit, the fear of God enough to spur us to refrain from sin and teach us to leave a righteous life in Christ. I have tried in my whole life to live by the bible, but not to the extent of being a "legalistic". If we could rely on the bible for certain things, can we rely on it for all things? I wonder how many among our youth leaders have such an unshakable high regard for their bible.

I believe that Christians should live by biblical principles in a secular world. I do not detach the spiritual from the physical, because I am a whole person. The spiritual affects the physical and vice versa. Some people says, to each his own and encourage people to look for alternative. "As long as it works, why bother", they say. To me, it's the same as saying "Jesus is not the only way, the truth and the life." If there is no faith in Christ, who can do all things, we fail in everything we try to do. I am telling u these because I am reminded about my own position. I can be accountable to my leaders with this til pigs can fly, but my heart may be far from obeying God. The crux of every sinful desire starts in the heart. We may blame other people or circumstances til we are blue in the face, but ultimately what we do become is because we conformed to the pattern. What do we allow to control us? Are we worldly-driven, purpose-driven or Spirit-driven?

For me I know I had to let God or DIE...

Spurgeon on the sum and substance of the New Covenant

Spurgeon wrote that Christ is the sum and substance of the New Covenant that we are in. This is quite cliche, but what is familiar to us is often overlooked coz we thought there is nothing new to know anymore. But the Word of God is smoothing to the battered soul struggling in the our everyday affair. It's a pillar which our very being depend upon to stand up and be strong. It's food to the improvished soul, it's water to the fish washed ashore, it's breath to a drowning man. Don't take God's word and His grace for granted. Let's thirst and run after it like our life depended upon it. Feed us O God!

"I will give thee for a covenant of the people."
- Isa_49:8

Jesus Christ is himself the sum and substance of the covenant, and as one of its gifts. He is the property of every believer. Believer, can you estimate what you have received in Christ? "In him dwelleth all the fulness of the Godhead bodily." Consider that word "God" and its infinity, and then meditate upon "perfect man" and all his beauty; for all that Christ, as God and man, ever had, or can have, is yours-out of pure free favour, passed over to be your inheritance forever. Our blessed Jesus, as God, is omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent. Will it not console you to know that all these great and glorious attributes are altogether yours? Does He have power? That power is yours to support and strengthen you, to overcome your enemies, and to preserve you even to the end. Does He have love? Well, there is not a drop of love in his heart which is not yours; you may dive into the immense ocean of his love, and you may say of it all, "It is mine." Does He have justice? It may seem a stern attribute, but even that is yours, for he will by his justice see to it that all which is promised to you in the covenant of grace shall be most certainly secured to you. And all that he has as perfect man is yours. As a perfect man the Father’s delight was upon him. He stood accepted by the Most High. O believer, God’s acceptance of Christ is your acceptance. Don't you realise that the love which the Father set on a perfect Christ, He now sets 0n you? For all that Christ did is yours. That perfect righteousness which Jesus worked out, when through his stainless life He kept the law and made it honourable, is yours, and is imputed to you. Christ is in the covenant.

"My God, I am thine-what a comfort divine!

What a blessing to know that the Saviour is mine!

In the heavenly Lamb thrice happy I am,

And my heart it doth dance at the sound of his name."

Hit You Where You Live

You want to change with all of your might
You want to do right in His sight
It's His delight to give you your desire
It's His desire to set your life on fire

Sometimes it hurts when reprimanded
It hurts Him more than it's hurtin' you
He'll pick you up from where you landed
When He knocks you down, turns your life around
He'll turn your life around

Hit you where you live you can't hold it back
When you're struck by His love you will know
Hit you where you live, it's so close to home
When you're all sold out the mark will show
Let Him hit you where you live

These were the words from the band Petra, which was the first Chrisitan rock band I've ever heard. Today there are so little substance in contemorary christian music. As the band end their 33 years career, it's sad to see that there isn't another one like them. Their songs have been s source of encouragement to me in the formative years of my faith when I was so ignorant to reading my bible, but since music was important to me, I listen to a lot of music. Petra's early works, as I later found out, were laced with scriptures. It's uplifting to my soul and helped me a great deal.

I must also thank my friend and mentor, Bro Dennis who introduced their music to me when I was 13. It stuck with me everysince! No matter where music become, whether emo, indie or wadeva, ROCK is still SOLID!!

Greatly blessed

I was greatly blessed by the compliments I receive from "Change" although it was really bad singing from me. I am glad that the song struck a chord in the hearts of my listeners. I just wanted to bless others in my songs; to tell them that I am no different from them. What struggles have they gone that I have not gone through also? I may not experience the same thing as them, but in essense all sufferings, loneliness, despair and sadness strikes the same part of our emotions. That is why Jesus knows what we all are going through. He had his own sufferings as a man, but His resurrection gives me hope. It is in this hope that I sing about the negative. The light always wins! Darkness cannot prevail!

"To be more like You"

I don't want others to be me. Yes, I want to be an example, but I want to ultimately point out that the difference in me is Jesus. I can be never Be Jesus, but as I live from day to day I am am become more and more like Him. That's the passion in my soul and I pray that I'll have the strength to persevere and to have the compassion and patience with those who are struggling so that they will be encouraged too.

Happy Birthday to Jon!!!

Today's is Jon's birthday. He is my source of technical knowledge when it comes to gadgets and drums! Can u imagine, as a drummer, I dun even care about the gear I use, but drummers like Jon and Caleb are so detailed in what they want. It's really something I admire, coz they are sure of what they want. For me, anything goes. As long as I can use it without hassle, give me a thrash can and I'll whip up a noise fest for u! It was a nice time together. The rain was pouring but this old man just want to eat! The place was pretty amazing and many people mentioned they'd definitely like to come back once again. Me too! Me too!!

This is specially for Jon. The orginal lyrics of Happy Everyday, which have gone through so many changes since the idea conceptualized in 2001.

Happy Everyday

I wish you a very good morning

Before you get our of bed

Is it a boring and mundane life

It's up to you to seize the day

Is it like the hurt that you're feeling

It's like a nail in your wrist

Before the sun comes up in your daze

It's up to you to seize the day

Happy Everyday

Happy Everyday

Be glad that you're breathing

There's something to look forward to

No matter what you're going through

Happy Everyday
Happy Everyday

When the party is over

What is left of your faith

Will you be crying back to your face

It's up to you to make the chage

Happy Everyday
Happy Everyday

Happy Everyday (Reprise)

When it's all said and done
Nothing stands in our way
We can run like mad in the sun
Where we don't care what others say

When the day turns to dust
And the road starts to bend
We can turn before a deadend
We'll run the race to keep up the pace

When the tide reach the shore
You get stuck in the sand
We were young when we first begun
I chose to stay the same old way

Happy Everyday

YA Service

I will remember what pastor Ben shared in his illustration about ashes. We won't be comparing the amount of ashes we have in heaven. Those are the treasures of this world that is useless in heaven. I dun want ashes, I want to be approved by God and Him alone do I want!

It's tough standing behind the cross coz sometimes the cross that I is in front of me in invisible, but I know it's there. What do u see in me? I am nothing, don't let my outward appearance deceive u, but for those who talked to me know I hold nothing back about my passion. Yet I am so weak at times to live up to the expectations. I am relying on the Lord!

I still hide behind the cross, may those who see me, see You most of all!

reflection: RL Meeting

The meeting last night was so powerful because CX shared about some problems among our youth and how we could help them. The best part of the meeting was the prayer time. We had a time of prayer from 10.20 until 11.15. It was really something. We weren't doing any "ministry" time kind of thing, it was pure agonizing-intercessory prayer on just one concern. They were not prayers of ice, but prayers of fire; not a prayer of convenience, but a prayer of purpose; not just a prayer in words but also a prayer in tears. I cannot imagine how this meeting would end if we carry on praying for the two other needs that was brought up. I was ready for an overnite prayer virgil. If "fellowship" is defined as "tuning my focus to God with you" then intercessory prayer is "tuning our focus to God for you".

I came home feeling the need to continue to pray for our flocks. They face so many temptations to conform to the patterns of this world. We the leaders cannot be there all the time. Neither can we force them under our jurisdiction against their will. All we can do is pray and agonize on our knees in tears. Do we care enough for them to do that? It's time we do something with our lack of concern and lack of prayer. While there are many aspect of the Christian life that we should be maturing in, prayer is one of the most fundamental things we must do. Since we are in the youth ministry, we are obligated to pray for the youths. It's not a mere duty or responsibility, it is our life - this is my life!

In due time, God will lead them back to His fold and restore their soul. I dare not steal any glory from God's sovereign work of grace. There is only so much or so little we can do. Is enough ever enough? Do we have enough tears to last every night, do we have enough wood to fan the fire of our prayer? May we never be discouraged because I believe that what we're doing will not in vain. Let's not be caught in the time of Elijah when Elijah was the only man of God that stood up for the truth. Let's build up our kids so that we will stand up for the Lord as ONE BODY.

Some thoughts

When God becomes our priority, we will not be concerned about ourselves but we will become more concerned with God's concern about us. His concern for us is that we will be filled with the Holy Spirit to live a God-glorifying life and be fully satisfied in Him. When we desire what God desires, He becomes our desire. Therefore no matter how lacking we are of earthly treasures, in reality we lack nothing because Christ has become ultimate, eternal and most-satisfying treasure.

I want to be more like Jesus

I was listening to Keith Green's "I want to be more like Jesus through out the journey from Bt Panjang to Town and at one point I almost broke down when Keith sang "I get so weary worn..." and "I'm tired of planting seeds..." No I am not tired of serving the Lord in R-age. But I was re-examining my objectives and my motivation. It was a mixture of emotions. I know I am doing for the glory of God, but at times I felt like I am doing for myself to show how much I know. I have to constantly hide behind the cross so that Christ will be THE objective and THE motivation. Failing to do so causes me to crucify myself so that the old-self in me will die and let the spirit of God reign in my heart. I really want to and need to be more like Jesus. "My soul is so thirsty, I cannot endure it. If I can't get closer, I surely will die..."

As each day passes by
I feel my love run dry
I get so weary, worn
And tossed around in the storm
Well I'm blind to other's needs
And I'm tired of planting seeds
I seem to have a wealth of so many thoughts about myself

I want to, I need to be more like Jesus
I want to, I need to be more like Him

In Shadow

But work has been quite a joy thought it can be exhausive after several days with little rest days. I've been blessed with the amount of work that I have since September. I have never been so busy before until then. I am grateful to the Lord and I am still hanging on to the Lord, I am staying faithful and I am still praying at all times. I don't want to be found wanting and I don't want ever to be lost again.

Thank You for being patient with me, Lord

Spurgeon on prayer

If you are reading this now, read it and meditate on it. I was reminded about the importance of prayer, I believe you'll be compelled to pray after reading this too. God bless you!

Something struck me besides the part about prayer, "David who with all his heart called upon his God." I just want to be a David. To be known as a man who is after God's heart tells us how passionate He is about God. If I even have a Christian namd, I want to be known as David! Jenn David Chia... how does that sound to you?




"Continue in prayer"
- Col_4:2

It is interesting to remark how large a portion of Sacred Writ is occupied with the subject of prayer, either in furnishing examples, enforcing precepts, or pronouncing promises. We scarcely open the Bible before we read, "Then began men to call upon the name of the Lord;" and just as we are about to close the volume, the "Amen" of an earnest supplication meets our ear. Instances are plentiful. Here we find a wrestling Jacob-there a Daniel who prayed three times a day-and a David who with all his heart called upon his God. On the mountain we see Elias; in the dungeon Paul and Silas. We have multitudes of commands, and myriads of promises. What do these examples teach us? Specifically, the sacred importance and neccessity of prayer! We may be certain that whatever stands out prominenty in God's Word is intended to be observable in our lives. If he has said much about prayer, it is because he knows we have much need of it. So deep are our necessities, that until we are in heaven we must not cease to pray. Don't you lack anything? Then, I fear you do not know the extent of your poverty. Don't you have some mercy to ask of God? Then, may the Lord’s mercy show you your misery! A prayerless soul is a Christless soul. Prayer is the lisping of the believing infant, the shout of the fighting believer, the requiem of the dying saint falling asleep in Jesus. It is the breath, the watchword, the comfort, the strength, the honour of a Christian. If you are a child of God, you will seek thy Father’s face, and live in your Father’s love. Pray that this year you maybe holy, humble, zealous, and patient; have closer communion with Christ, and enter more often into the banqueting-house of his love. Pray that you may be an example and a blessing unto others, and that you may live more to the glory of your Master. The motto for this year must be, "Continue in prayer."

(from Spurgeon's "Morning and Evening" Devotions, 2 January. Emphasis are mine).

Lazing on a Monday afternoon

It was another rare weekday break for me. I woke up in full anticipation of what was to come for the day ahead.

EVen on a bad-hair day, I just had to get out into the sun, onto the beach and indulge on my favourite passtime! Yahoo!!! I prayed that it wouldn't rain when I am there.

I finally went to the beach at Sentosa for my break. I moved to a quiet are because the "more happening" part was too distracting, sure get sore-eyes, it was "HOT, HOT, HOT" but I have to set myself apart. So I walked and walked and found myself a nice spot.

These were essential stuff that I bought to Sentosa yesterday. I can't help thinking that the latest issue of Modern Drummer magazine looked like a men's lifestyle magazine!!

I was ready to have a time of life in the sun, practising on the sand, reading about not wasting my life and having great music and the occasional sms to keep me company.

I was really relaxed but I wasn't listening to any smoothing music. I was blasting Mortification thru the cans, which was so cool because I know they were proclaiming about their faith. So I place the book down for a while. The second turned to minutes and the minutes turned to rust...

...the spirit was willing but my flesh was sleepy. Even having fun can be quite tiring. On reflection about the way I spent my afternoon...

...the sun was setting and so will my life. If I do not make much of what I have I will indeed live a wasted life.

I actually had a really good time at the beach. There is absolutely nothing wrong in enjoying a good time like I did (but over-indulgent on something other than God is a sin). This was something I wanted to do since dunno when. Yes, even alone! I went to sleep under a coconut tree (with no coconut, PTL!!) and enjoyed about an hour of the sun before it started drizzling. It wasn't pouring, but just gentle drizzle that didn't make me run for shelter. Those gentle drop from the heavens was really smoothing and it brought a sense of healing to my spirit.

I don't know what tomorrow holds, but today's time alone at the beach reminded me that the Lord will provide in my time of need and in the time when I least expected. Those 4 hours at the beach had everything that I face in life.

1) There were crowded places with temptations (bikini-clad girls running/lying around where some boys were ogling over them);

2) A time to make crucial decisions. In yesterday's case was whether to stay in that "happening" spot or to go somewhere to set myself apart for God.

3) A quiet resting place where I lie in peace

4) The sunshine that provides warmth

5) The gentle drizzle to provide healing

Thanks for reading. I'll leave you with a song that I wrote on New Year's Eve in 1999. It sounds kind of dark, but it has a tinge of tranquility in it. I hope you'll like it. TOSOG will be working this as a new demo as soon as I have another break. I was suppose to do it today, but I had a last-minute job, thank God for it anyway! Time for a real eye-sore!

Made some resolutions

In my twenty something lifetime

I tried to give my best in everything

I set myself to do

Consequences of my existence proves too many times a hindrance

Endless changes given

Would you give me one more chance before I die

At the end of my lifetime

Falling tonight into your arms is my delight
Living our lives at the cutting edge of time

Pleasant memories surrounds

I chose to kick the nightmares out

They set a trap to suck the daylights out without you knowing

I will not take the easy way out

I will dance upon my failures

Thank you for your company before the time I spend with you comes to an end

At the end of my life time

Falling tonight into your arms is my delight
Living our lives at the cutting edge of time

Humility - _ -

I've been re-learning what humility is: (From John Piper's awesome devotion "Pierced by the Word", 37)

1) HUMILITY begins with a sense of subordination to God in Christ. (Matt 10:24, 1 Peter 5:6)

2) HUMILITY does not feel it has a right to better treatment than Jesus got. (1 Peter 2: 21-23)

3) HUMILITY asserts truth not to bolster the ego with control or with triumphs in debate, but as service to Christ and love for the adversary. (1 Cor 13:6, Matt 10:27-28, 2 Cor 4:5)

4) HUMILITY knows it is fallible, and so considers criticsm and learns from it; but also knows that God has made provision for human conviction and that He calls us to persuade others.

Here I am

The winds of change a blowing
Guess I'll place my life within Your promise
The world is in Your hands
You are so big yet You spirit lives inside of me
I gladly lose my life to gain the crown I never want to lose

SHAME: an open confession

It's confirmed! I have an anger-management-deficiency syndrome. I realised that I have given others a impression that I am nice and all, but some of those who are very close to me experience the other side of me. This other side of me has no glory.

Due to the close relationship, naturally more is expected from them, however I think it created a certain fear in some of them that cause them to shun me. I thought about what I have done and do admit my lack of tact at times that in my eagerness to speak or teach, I hurt. I sometimes I lack grace and make sweeping statements without considering the consequences. Since I am serving in the Youth ministry, the aim is to build the youths up. If any of them fall, let it be because of their rejection of the gospel and not because of wrong-handling by any people. BUt people make mistakes. SOmetimes the mistakes are costly, but we have to learn to cope with them and live on and try not to commit the same grave mistakes again.

Am I becoming a "softie"? Absolutely not, but the way I deal with my loved ones has caused them to shun me, that is not good! Yes, I want to be faithful. Since the prophets were forsaken by their own people; even Jesus was rejected by his own. Jesus! What an example! Despite being hated, he looked at Jerusalem and wept for them. He was so filled with grace and mercy. I want to follow Jesus! There is no greater example than Jesus. Another person is Paul. I love the wah he advice Timothy, titus and the churches. He taught, rebuked, uncompromising but in Christ-like love for them. I want to follow their exaples! I dun want to hard and not nice, neither do I want to be nice and not hard. I just want to be like Jesus! To be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger. I don't want to let the sun go down on my wrath. I want to be like Jesus, the shepherd. I want to teach and correct not pass judgement of condemnation. That is not my job! If I correct, I want to do it in love without compromising God's word. I just want to be like Jesus!!! There is no glory in the eyes that frowns, a clear give-away that I am affected. I wonder if Jesus always frowns whenever he hears the disciples talk among themselves. Or did he shake His head in disbelief? Did He shrug of what they say nonchalently because He know what they will become after His resurrection. I am sure sometime or another He must have listened and smiled at their immaturity in faith. Jesus' time with them was a short one. Some say it was probably 1 and half years before Calvary. I wonder in the light of His impending death, I am sure there was a sense of urgency. I just want to be like U, Lord!

Oh Lord, I need to show more grace and mercy in the way I handle others esp those close to my heart. In the manner that u shown grace and mercy to me, I want to follow in your footsteps. Guide me each step of the way and awake my conscience when I choose the other way. I am learning everyday. Help me as I daily surrender myself to you. I nail my old-self to the cross everyday. I condemn my bad habits to the cross. Take my life and renew me, take my life and restore me. Let my life exhibit the splendor of your glory in everything I do. Help me to be more and more like You!

Help me, Father! I cannot do it without your empowerment. In the name of Jesus Christ, my redeemer and Lord, I pray. Amen

Love

1 Corinthians 13:1-3

1If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have
love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.
2If
I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I
have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.
3And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if
I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.

• Watching a couple holding hands while giving thanks to God for their breakfast.
• Re-writing a song about forgiveness.
• Thinking about the conversation I had with Hannah and Chris in the truck while going home.
• Listening to "All for love" and "Sing (Your Love)" from my iPod.

These are the combos this morning that almost brought me to tears. Those who know knows that although I am very emotional and passionate about my faith, I seldom use sentimental words to stir others. I am more "puritan" and "brimestone and fire" kind. However those combos I mentioned kept one word in my mind - love. I was so puffed up with a lovey-dovy-fluffy-cloudy feeling.

It was nice.

(ok, the greek has about 4 different word rendered as "love" in the english bible, pls pardon me from going into specifics, I am definitely not talking about "Eros" not now at least)

Thank God for such feelings while it last. In the real world true love exist in Christ Jesus despite all the counterfeits. Unless God's love breaks through our hardened hearts, we will never be able to experience love in any deep and meaningful way. We are made to love, yet we are utterly short of our intended glory no matter how hard we try. But Jesus said that he is "the way, the truth and the life." Everything that we lack is found in Him To experience God's ultimate love, His agape love, we need to be in Him. To be in Him is to love Him. To love Him is to love others. What a great way it is for others to know that we are believers in Christ because of our love for each other! If fellowship means to "tune our focus to God with other", to fellowship is also to love. When we do that we edify others and become an extention of Christ's hand in loving them.

In this world where hatred seems to grow
True love goes against the flow
And becomes so hard to show
In this world push turns in to shove
We have strength to rise above
Through the power of His love
Lord, we need to know the power of Your love

- "Love" by Petra, from the album "Beyond Belief".

Thoughts

I've learned to cry out to God through songs and poetry since my youth. Many times I didn't receive a direct intervention from above, yet my soul was constantly crying out for peace, comfort and redress. The silence didn't deter me from pleading to the Lord. My theology that time was child-like; there weren't many doubts, I just believed. Life was simple then unlike today. What have we become? How will we cope?

This was how I started, it may not be how you started for we are all different. But one thing is remains. The change resulted in the wakening of the conscience to the Lord's word. There is nothing since the fall of man that God's word doesn't have an answer for, unless u ask the wrong question. Those who ask the wrong questions think only about themselves. Those who ask the right questions are those who want to know him more, because that is what we are created for - not exclusively to indulge in ourselves, but to indulge joyfully in Christ!

Today I am listening, today I am learning. There isn't a thought that I've arrived. I shudder at that thought, which I once held high (due to my ignorance). But I press on to know Him more! I press on to be more and more in His image.