The story so far

The struggles in life are not cool when u are going through them. But when u have reached the shore after wrestling with the winds and rough seas, u can truly look back, fall on your knees and cry and prayer of thanksgiving. That despite all the swearing in the boat, the Lord had been good because he sustained u. Through the bumps and cuts and sea water he reminded us that it's never easy. Through all the lost of appitite, malnutrition he still kept u alive.

I was in that boat. Right now I am walking along the shore and into a thunderstorm. Am I worried? When I don't look to Christ, of course I am! But I am constantly reminded about God's promises in the bible. All the "do not be anxious" verses suddenly popped into my head. WOAH!!! It's not easy to rejoice when u face such circumstances, but knowing that Christ is in all things and having an unwavering trust in Him really helped put my whole being at ease.

I know I am not being explicit and all the above sounds very cryptic. Let's leave it as that. Praise God!

Philipians 4: 6-7
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer abd supplication, with thanksgiving, let your request be made known to God;

And the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus

What time is it?

Make much of me to make much of You

New Song

It's not that I dun trust you
When I get frustrated by you
Though I have a lot to say
It's for your own good
I wouldn't care as much if I didn't have the chance to know you
Wat difference would it make if I've never met you

I didn't mean to hurt you
When I said those harsh words to you
The best intentions always get miscontrued
What matters is the heart of the message I want to get to you
Will you still listen like you always used to

I've never cared about how others in the world might think about me
I'd rather that they think that I'm a fool
I'd rather lose my popularity and blame it on insanity
Than the possibility of losing you

The road ahead seems bleak for the ones who seem weak
They are the ones that we must always lend a hand to
When there's pressure to give into all the stress they built within
They have no strength to carry on
Even if they want to

I've never cared about how others in the world might think about me
I'd rather that they think that I'm a fool
I'd rather lose my popularity and blame it on insanity
Than the possibility of losing you
I stand before all as a testimony for the One and Only
What would I feel if I were in your shoes
Will I be gentle with my words or be judgemental in my curse
The next recipient might be next you... Shhh...

It's not that I dun trust you
When I get frustrated by you
Though I have a lot to say
It's for your own good

Words and music inspired by "You" my friend

Spirit of Gentleness

"...even if anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, so that you too will not be tempted."

Galatians 6:1

The Spirit of gentleness is something that I definitely lack. I think most of the time the spirit of hypocricy is more prevalent in my life. How can be called to coorect others if he himself struggles within himself? I don't like to approach others with a "holier than thou" attitude but in the spirit of Christ. I only want to like Jesus. The only way to begin is to live humbly before all and before God. I know I have my own demons to deal with. But O the grace that covers me is the same grace the covers those believers around me!

So at the end of the day u win some and lose some. If I have lost u with my over-zealousness, please forgive me. Now is time for restoration.

Faces in Disguise

Vern, this song is for u. I listened to this yesterday song yesterday and I remembered you. It's by Sunny Day Real Estate (Liang, did I return u the CD?)

these fears come rushing in when i enter here

another layer on my back

a blazing fire where our glances meet

the largest feeling towering over me

faces in disguise

not a trace of desire...

i long to take you to a secret place

where we could lay aside our past

we'd throw the world away with all it's pain

to shine like stars through storm and clouds and rain

faces in disguise

not a trace of desire...

go face the day, go and see new things

go face the day, but you'll remember me...

i see a tear inside when you're turned away

another wound that i'd take back

if i could fill your heart just once

and then i'd take you nowwhere we could live again

faces in disguisenot a trace of desire...

faces in disguisenot a trace of desire...

go face the day, go and see new things

go face the day, but you'll remember me...

Passion for God's Glory

I heard u, Rage Lim!

I was talking to Joel Tay the other night and asked how the youths are doing.

I wondered if there is a passion for God's glory left in that place.

I wonder if that place only consist of a handful of worshippers trying to stir up a frenzy so that the pew warmers will feel warmed up to at least raise a hand.

I wondered if there is passion for God's word left in that place where the preaching of the word is greatly treasured like honey to thirsty lips.

I wondered if the cell groups are dynamic and full of grace towards each other.

I wondered if a new comer would come and feel that R-age is the place for them to be.

I wondered if people who are "different" comes through the door, will they be looked upon with "Chrisitan-looks" or with a warm reception.

I wondered what would Jesus say if he comes today and visit us.

All these thoughts are weary to the body and soul. I am very tired from work and thinking about R-age sometimes thrills me and at other times drains me. Then I hear news of how some of the former leaders are doing today, that kills me. It hurts to the core to see some of them slip away. So far there is only one. I am sure there are others that's waiting to happen that will catch us unaware. I am very tired from work because of the cares of this world, because the world has captured the minds of these that we loved. My body may be working, but my mind and spirit is crying out for deliverance.

What else can we do except to to have a passion for God's glory in prayer. His peace is the perfect pill for me. I dun want just a pill. I want to have transfusion of peace in my system.

My Hope is You

Show me Your way

Guide me in Truth

All of my days

"old" friend

to my "old" friend. u have finally spread ur wings

flap your wings and take to the sky

don't fall

Calmed down already

What was I thinking about yesterday? What can I do to affect change in others' lives? I can will myself to be Christ-like or preach an outstanding sermon; sing a beautiful spiritual song or compose an uplifting letter. However if these are done without the annointing of God through prayer, all my effort amount to naught.

Lord, help me to do ur will not according to my standard but yours.

I read your blog and wonder how can I not feel broken on ur behalf? I don't want to call u. I just dialled ur number to remind u that I am still here. What would I have said when u picked up the phone. U must have known what I would have said anyway if u did answer my call.

Remember us
Friends who dare to oppose u
Protecting u was our intention
There's no need to be afraid
Trust our devotion
We're saying a prayer for u to grow
We're hold out a light for you
To find your way home

I even left a blatantly "Jenn" message in ur Friendster. I might even risk our friendship by being a perpetual pest in reminding u to return. I don't know what I might do. I just don't know. I am too tired to think now. Tomorrow is an early day. It is also an opportunity for you to consider what is best for ur life. What u do today will have an impact in eternity.

I found it hard to not believer... that u will return.

Never felt like this for a long time

I am feeling a cocktail of emotions these days. Some made me feel glad while others made me feel like crap. But some emotions are worth sharing about.

Last Thursday I swop shift with Randy so that I could be in church at 7.30 for worship practice. I had just worked 12 hours that day and was feeling really tired, but I really wanted to play drums again after a one-month long break. Then today I thought I played well and it was encouraging to hear the choir say that my playing helped bring up the level musically. This is a testament to God's gift of playing the drums despite my lack of practice. That said, I will continue to explore ways to inprove my time and creativity on the drums away from the drums. That's a challenge and a one that I do not mind being troubled by.

SW, Joshie and I visited Soann and Clement to see their new daughter. It was good to see Joshie hanging out with the other kids (Daniel and Evan came later with their 2 kids). Oh btw, Soann made an observation; of all the 10 kids in the cell group, there are only 3 boys and the three are fathered by 2 St Teresians. How cool man! wahahaha...

As for another emotion, a darker side, I have not felt that since 2 years ago. This is the side the seems to bring out the creative side of me. It was during this time 2 years ago that I composed and recorded "Run to You". So u roughly the emotion I was feeling. It's a kind of desperation to keep myself from stumbling in my walk with the Lord. Oh to please Him and to do His will is all I want to do, but in this life it's so hard. Yet it's so comforting to know the promises of God and the joy that comes from persevering in faith and to lay every thought of mine captive to the obedience of Christ. It's a struggle I had before and I came out victorious, but scarred. Oh Jenn, Jenn, do not give up in the race.

This programme that I am involved in has been physically draining. The cam and sound crew only work for 12 hours, but I really feel for the episode producers. They had to be there from the morning til night. RESPECT man!

Speaking of the ep producers. This is a big shout out to Maureen who is an assistant producer. I always rejoice and thank the Lord for allowing me to meet fellow believers in the industry. What I find cool about her was that while she was studying in LA, she attended Grace Community Church (John MacArthur's church lah). She reminds me of Rachael Lim and Serene Goh coz they are the same age and it made me miss my days in R-age. Well, I am not just Christ's ambassador in the church, but also outside the church too.

Test for Echo

The title has little to do with what I wanna blog about. It's actually the title of a Rush album and the title track. But the more relevant part is the word "Test". I previously shared about the tests that will come my way and that very morning I was tested at the shoot (for the reality show's opening) when my DAT recorded went crazy and caused me much distress. If not for Nelson's company that day, I think I would have panicked. It was really nice of him to come hang out with me even though they didn't want to hire an assistant for me (which in actual fact was needed). I feel that it's also a dawn of a very great bond between two soundman.

After the shoot, I went to look for Alan, who was as usual, most helpful in helping me and giving sound advice(pun intended) for all my work. Knowing that I was doing the right thing at work makes me feel affirmed and the confidence in me was raised. Today I went to work with a new renewed spirit. This was especially so after I read Titus and the verse that stuck out was Titus 2: 7-8

"...in all things showing yourself to be a pattern of good works; in doctrine showing integrity, reverence, incorruptibility, sound speech that cannot be condemned, that one who is an opponent may be ashamed, having nothing evil to say of you."

The keywords were "integrity", "incorruptibility" and "sound speech" because they were issues that I had to wrestle with.

Trials and tribulations
Tests and expectations
I am still at ease
I am still at peace

Risks and present dangers
Not like it really matters
That would be a lie
I would be the liar

Truth is never clearer
Grey is not in flavour
I will be alive
I will be alive

What I want to do

The very things I hate I end up doing
Things I want to do I just don't do
Lord, it seems so sad
Why am I so bad?
Within my heart I only want to be like You

The past 4 days of shoot were "pre-shoots". Which means we shoot segments of the show before the principle shoot starts. I am being paired up with a cameraman that some has told me is hard to work with. Then I began to wonder if I am difficult to work with. Some may not feel it, but within me I am always impatient. I keep to myself and try not to let my emotions show, but my emotions always let me down. I always end up expressing myself which sometimes made me feel guilty and very apologetic.

Where is the Jenn of old that have better control of this tongue and actions? Have I always controlled myself for that matter? Will I blow up in this production with all the stress and difficulty that the audio team has foreseen? I dare not say "no" at this moment, but I dare say "Please help me, Lord!". It's a perfect place to be tested. I don't want to be tested, but it's a cross that I must bear in order for this ugly ore to be refined for Godly chores.

You what I want to do at this moment also? To write a new song. There is this instrumental that I've been humming and this morning I was thinking about the harmony of this piece. It has a really nice hook (I wrote it, of course I like it!), but I am stuck after that. I don't know how to follow through. Just wait and see lah. May be this will be like other things that I've attempted to do, but never get to start or finish. They are sacrifices for the greater good in my life. It's time to move on.

I want to be like You
Jesus, I do!

-"Romans VII"- by Keith Green

Oh my pudding baby!

I've only started working on this shoot for 3 days and I already miss Joshie so much.

Oh I love my Pudding Baby!!

I am listening to Delirious now and the song that's playing is "My Glorious" from the "Accessed:D" cd. I'm in that mood of praise and worship now. The attitude of praise and worship should be part of life in a way like breathing is for us. When I praise God, I know God sovereign and above all; I have nothing to worry about except to live a life that glorifies His name. In this mood now thinking about Joshie gives me strength because I know God is looking after him while I am at work. I can't wait to see his smile and to hold him in my arms again!!

Oh, he is at my parent's house this weekend. So eventhough I didn't have a early call time today (and the last time for the next 45 days), I didn't see him. But I did ask SW about how he was. I can't wait! I CAN'T WAIT!!!