SHAME: an open confession

It's confirmed! I have an anger-management-deficiency syndrome. I realised that I have given others a impression that I am nice and all, but some of those who are very close to me experience the other side of me. This other side of me has no glory.

Due to the close relationship, naturally more is expected from them, however I think it created a certain fear in some of them that cause them to shun me. I thought about what I have done and do admit my lack of tact at times that in my eagerness to speak or teach, I hurt. I sometimes I lack grace and make sweeping statements without considering the consequences. Since I am serving in the Youth ministry, the aim is to build the youths up. If any of them fall, let it be because of their rejection of the gospel and not because of wrong-handling by any people. BUt people make mistakes. SOmetimes the mistakes are costly, but we have to learn to cope with them and live on and try not to commit the same grave mistakes again.

Am I becoming a "softie"? Absolutely not, but the way I deal with my loved ones has caused them to shun me, that is not good! Yes, I want to be faithful. Since the prophets were forsaken by their own people; even Jesus was rejected by his own. Jesus! What an example! Despite being hated, he looked at Jerusalem and wept for them. He was so filled with grace and mercy. I want to follow Jesus! There is no greater example than Jesus. Another person is Paul. I love the wah he advice Timothy, titus and the churches. He taught, rebuked, uncompromising but in Christ-like love for them. I want to follow their exaples! I dun want to hard and not nice, neither do I want to be nice and not hard. I just want to be like Jesus! To be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger. I don't want to let the sun go down on my wrath. I want to be like Jesus, the shepherd. I want to teach and correct not pass judgement of condemnation. That is not my job! If I correct, I want to do it in love without compromising God's word. I just want to be like Jesus!!! There is no glory in the eyes that frowns, a clear give-away that I am affected. I wonder if Jesus always frowns whenever he hears the disciples talk among themselves. Or did he shake His head in disbelief? Did He shrug of what they say nonchalently because He know what they will become after His resurrection. I am sure sometime or another He must have listened and smiled at their immaturity in faith. Jesus' time with them was a short one. Some say it was probably 1 and half years before Calvary. I wonder in the light of His impending death, I am sure there was a sense of urgency. I just want to be like U, Lord!

Oh Lord, I need to show more grace and mercy in the way I handle others esp those close to my heart. In the manner that u shown grace and mercy to me, I want to follow in your footsteps. Guide me each step of the way and awake my conscience when I choose the other way. I am learning everyday. Help me as I daily surrender myself to you. I nail my old-self to the cross everyday. I condemn my bad habits to the cross. Take my life and renew me, take my life and restore me. Let my life exhibit the splendor of your glory in everything I do. Help me to be more and more like You!

Help me, Father! I cannot do it without your empowerment. In the name of Jesus Christ, my redeemer and Lord, I pray. Amen