Seperated

Seperated, I cut myself clean

What can be done?

What can be done for an old heart like mine?
Soften it up with oil and wine
The oil is You, Your spirit of love
Wash me anew with the wine of Your blood

"My Eyes Are Dry" by Keith Green

I am working on a sitcom called "Calefare" with Gurmit, Benjamin Heng, Fiona, Mastura and Vadi in it. The vibe in the show is do different from other drama/sitcom I have worked on because of the environment, aka in-studio. For once I do not have to worry about traffic or apologise to the crew on behalf of RSAF for ruining the shot. In terms of sound recording is concerning it's the perfect place to record sound for a show. Whatever the reason why the shoot has a good vibe for me is because it helped me to realise I need Jesus.

What does Jesus has to do with TV production? As a Christian, if Jesus has nothing to do with my life, I am in trouble. I am a soundman for Jesus. I prayed before "Lord, let your light shine and if neccesary, use me." Most of those times since I said that prayer, I think I have only be a flicker of the flame the spirit wants to set me up to be.

I am already 32. The passion for Christ was set in me when I was a teenager. What have I done with that calling? I guess I've gone the other way and back; the other way and back; the other way and back - back and forth I go again and again and again. You know, I am sick of living my life this way. When I hear the songs or read verses that has inspired me in those days of youth I am stirred up in my spirit again and again. But everytime the trials of life just makes me lose my focus. No wonder I am a mess! Where the Lord can be Lord of my life and give me peace in those trials, I chose to go live my life on my own terms.

32 years old, Jenn. Now what? Do you want to look back when u are 42 and say "woah, I had such a great potential back then..." with regret? Or will I exclaim triumphantly "WOah, the spirit of my youth lives til today but more matured and refined by the Holy Spirit!". Life begins when ever the Lord touches our hearts. He has touched me constantly, though I have not live consistently in the light. I don't want to be a calefare in the world's stage anymore. I don't want to be famous, but I want to make Jesus famous in the hearts of people I meet.

Seal this prayer, Lord. Amen


*This entry was inspired after listening to loads of Keith Green, the first minister of the gospel to inspire me to live with passion and fire for God, whom I first heard in 1993.

One week in Shanghai

This trip together with the New Zealand trip is one of the best overseas shoot of my life so far. We were filming the tele-movie "Sense of Home" for Film Form. It features Fiona Xie, Alaric Tay and Catherine Sng. What made this particular special is because I met Joey and Wei Kurk after production (but I must say working with the Love Crew always sizzles). I spent 3 days with them and what a great time I had fellowshiping with them and their cell mates on Saturday. The most intimate moments was on Sunday evening at a Jap restaurant where we share a lot of stuff. It's common for Joey and me to bare our souls and share our heart out, but to hear Wei Kurk do that too is really something.

Here is a friend that I have known almost all my life and last weekend was the first time that we talk about some personal stuff. There were a lot of laughs and I thought it was really funny when we were so caught up with our conversation until Joey gave up and said "I don't know what or who u guys are talking about." We were just talking about events before 1996 (which is also the year I know Joey). Talking to Kurk is like talking to a long lost brother. No, rather, it's a brother that has always been around, but I've never take the opportunity to talk to him until last week in Shanghai.

Joey was leading worhip and the word at cell on Saturday. I was so blessed by his teaching and leading. The night before he prepared his material until 5.30am in the morning. I have to tip my hat to this guy. I was flattered when he introduced me as the person who inspired him to what he is today. I looked at myself and think, I was like the way he was now when I was still serving, but now I have mellowed. I think I have mellowed so that I will be effective in my ministry in my work place.

Joey started cell by teaching about Worship: intimacy with God. I was blessed by his teaching. It's nothing that I have never heard before, but it's good to be reminded that aspect of worshipping God again. He asked me to c0-lead worship with him, but I have been out of touch in leading and I felt good just playing the guitar. I have to say it felt really good to be playing in a small grp setting. I really miss doing all that.

After cell we had dinner with the rest of the cell members, then to another place for some superb desserts. During desserts we somehow went into a discussion about what "emo" is about. I tried to explain best as I could, but in the end I suggested that they google it. It was fun keeping in touch with the "emo" side of me. Oh I feel like crying! After that We headed to Tim's house to watch Kung Fu Panda. I was so sleepy already, but the show was really funny. My eyes wanted to close many times during the show, but I endured.

At the end of the day, I was deep in thought about one aspect of my spiritual life that has been missing for a long time: attending cell group. I do not know how my schedule is going to allow me to put in time for cell, but I am reminded of the importance of cell if the cell is a strong community just like Joey's and Kurk's cell. May be my soul was simply crying out for real fellowship and that night I had it. I had almost 8 hours of it (from cell time to movie time). What a night to remember!