What I want to do

The very things I hate I end up doing
Things I want to do I just don't do
Lord, it seems so sad
Why am I so bad?
Within my heart I only want to be like You

The past 4 days of shoot were "pre-shoots". Which means we shoot segments of the show before the principle shoot starts. I am being paired up with a cameraman that some has told me is hard to work with. Then I began to wonder if I am difficult to work with. Some may not feel it, but within me I am always impatient. I keep to myself and try not to let my emotions show, but my emotions always let me down. I always end up expressing myself which sometimes made me feel guilty and very apologetic.

Where is the Jenn of old that have better control of this tongue and actions? Have I always controlled myself for that matter? Will I blow up in this production with all the stress and difficulty that the audio team has foreseen? I dare not say "no" at this moment, but I dare say "Please help me, Lord!". It's a perfect place to be tested. I don't want to be tested, but it's a cross that I must bear in order for this ugly ore to be refined for Godly chores.

You what I want to do at this moment also? To write a new song. There is this instrumental that I've been humming and this morning I was thinking about the harmony of this piece. It has a really nice hook (I wrote it, of course I like it!), but I am stuck after that. I don't know how to follow through. Just wait and see lah. May be this will be like other things that I've attempted to do, but never get to start or finish. They are sacrifices for the greater good in my life. It's time to move on.

I want to be like You
Jesus, I do!

-"Romans VII"- by Keith Green