Life

"I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."

-Galatians 2: 20






"Those with defeat on their faces are those that we must keep alive"
- Further Seems Forever

Anguish

"My flesh is tired of seeking God
but on my knees I'll stay
I want to be that pleasing child
Until that final day"

-Keith Green

A prayerless life is a sure way to a wreckless, Christless and worthless life, so on the knees of my soul, while I am awake, stay!




"Those with defeat on their faces are those that we must keep alive"
- Further Seems Forever

Restitution

"I will give thanks to you, O LORD, for though you were angry with me, your anger turned away, that you might comfort me."
- Isaiah 12: 1

After getting it right with God, I always feel the need to make my peace with those around me. In my younger years apologizing or making restitution was the hardest thing for me to do. It is a humbling experience but a practice very good for the soul and for our relationship with others. Of course, something ought to come out of our actions such as making a conscious effort not to repeat the same actions that caused us to be apologetic in the first place. Then the essence of the restitution will be meaningful and life-changing, not only for ourselves but also for those whom we reached out to.

God, in Christ, turned His anger away and reached out to us. Therefore we should turn from out follies and reach out to those we make amends with.

I hate to think that I am significant to God when I am not deserving of any good thing from him. This is why the gospel of grace is so precious to me. In my refusal to acknowledge any good in me, God gave me His goodness; in my inability to save myself, God saved me; when I feel down, He picked me up; when I cried, He cheered me up; when I was feeling emo, He gave me a happy song; when I sang out of tune, He told me it's ok; when all I could offer was a burnt offering, He received them with joy; when I feel shitty about myself, He made me feel special.

I remember how it felt in the past when I had such a magnificent faith in Christ over all my circumstances no matter how impossible they were. It is the confidence that may not have changed the result, but it certainly did change my attention from the trouble to Christ Himself - that wholehearted confidence that dispels all fear. With that, I could sleep in peace. Peace! Awhh... That's what I need.

Lord, let the forest around me burn
But let me feel safe within your embrace
Always...

Renewal

"... Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones that you have broken rejoice. Hide your face from my sins, and blot out all my iniquities.
Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me."

Psalm 51: 8-9

"For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it; you will not be pleased with a burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise."

Psalm 51: 16-17

What a great meditation of these Psalm 51 I had this morning! I am not completely sure if my heart is heale at this very moment, but I know it is broken by God; crushed by the weight of sin. The pain ached me to my bones, yet without them I couldn't even stand. I will be like a ghost hovering around carelessly and unceasingly feeding it's lust for more and more of the world and less and less of the word.

Shall I curse the way I was made? The negativity of my temperament and all it's insecurities! How did I overcome them in my youth? I remember...

I trusted the Lord with all my heart
I sang a new song to the Lord everyday
I was ever In His hands
I ran from youthful lust
I had confidence like at of an soaring eagle
I was simple
I was dead so that Christ can be fully alive in me
I ran for cover under the shadow of His wings
I was in constant fellowship with God's people
God's people have always been here for me
My cup overflowed
I dined at a table before me in the presence of my enemies
Surely goodness and mercy followed me all those days of my life as I dwelt in the house of the Lord

I'm am 34 now. in 3 months time, 35. the weight of the world is heavy. Life isn't like what it used to be. Josh and Jo-En have added a new dimension to my life. I am weighted down by my work. I miss SW. I miss life, but I know it can never be the same life, but it can be a life much easily sustained if I relearn how to enjoy Christ and to delight in Him in whatever I do. Life's circumstances may have changed, but Thank God that He is never changing and I still long for that sweet communion everyday with my God and savior.

"Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer; from the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I, for you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the enemy. Let me dwell in your tent forever! Let me take refuge under the shelter of your wings! Selah"

-Psalm 61:1-4

Before this next long haul starts, I want to start in a right spirit. If I dun do it, I will be ruined! so help me God!

LORD, THIS IS ME, WITH ALL OF MY HEART, CRYING OUT TO YOU!

amen

One down, another one to go!

Just wrapped "Endless Day" and now the next one is about to begin. I hardly had a good rest. I dunno how! The crew are such a great bunch of people, I don't think resting soundly with them around will be an easy thing. Hahahaha...

So sleepy but I still have my bags to pack...

Very Tired

I am very tired and exhausted. The production that I am involved in is not tedious. It's probably one of the easiest for me, but somehow I feel tired and as the production comes to it's final 4 days, I feel a little edgy. The thought of the next production happening one week later should be a cause to rejoice, but I am not happy.
I like to think I know what is affecting me, but I wouldn't admit it. Somethings are best left unsaid. Not yet at least. I pray every moment I think about it and I find peace in knowing that God loves me and He is in charge of the whole situation even though I feel like a wreck.

So tired

The production for "Endless Day" is getting onto me after the 3-straight nights of overnight shoot. I am so glad that yesterday was a rest day, before another night shoot today. I suspect that we will have another one after today, but we just gotta have more turnover time or at least enough rest without feeling exploited.

I took some time to record some ideas and it turned out to be quite cool. I am happy with it. It's my first "demo" in almost 4 years! It has gotta be the fatigue that caused me to feel so emotional. May be it's the curse of September, Hahahaha!!! Whatever the cause, I will go easy.

Deferment hasn't been approved yet. It's been more than 14 working days. I am beginning to get anxious, but I know I mustn't.