Renewal

"... Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones that you have broken rejoice. Hide your face from my sins, and blot out all my iniquities.
Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me."

Psalm 51: 8-9

"For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it; you will not be pleased with a burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise."

Psalm 51: 16-17

What a great meditation of these Psalm 51 I had this morning! I am not completely sure if my heart is heale at this very moment, but I know it is broken by God; crushed by the weight of sin. The pain ached me to my bones, yet without them I couldn't even stand. I will be like a ghost hovering around carelessly and unceasingly feeding it's lust for more and more of the world and less and less of the word.

Shall I curse the way I was made? The negativity of my temperament and all it's insecurities! How did I overcome them in my youth? I remember...

I trusted the Lord with all my heart
I sang a new song to the Lord everyday
I was ever In His hands
I ran from youthful lust
I had confidence like at of an soaring eagle
I was simple
I was dead so that Christ can be fully alive in me
I ran for cover under the shadow of His wings
I was in constant fellowship with God's people
God's people have always been here for me
My cup overflowed
I dined at a table before me in the presence of my enemies
Surely goodness and mercy followed me all those days of my life as I dwelt in the house of the Lord

I'm am 34 now. in 3 months time, 35. the weight of the world is heavy. Life isn't like what it used to be. Josh and Jo-En have added a new dimension to my life. I am weighted down by my work. I miss SW. I miss life, but I know it can never be the same life, but it can be a life much easily sustained if I relearn how to enjoy Christ and to delight in Him in whatever I do. Life's circumstances may have changed, but Thank God that He is never changing and I still long for that sweet communion everyday with my God and savior.

"Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer; from the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I, for you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the enemy. Let me dwell in your tent forever! Let me take refuge under the shelter of your wings! Selah"

-Psalm 61:1-4

Before this next long haul starts, I want to start in a right spirit. If I dun do it, I will be ruined! so help me God!

LORD, THIS IS ME, WITH ALL OF MY HEART, CRYING OUT TO YOU!

amen