What can be done?

What can be done for an old heart like mine?
Soften it up with oil and wine
The oil is You, Your spirit of love
Wash me anew with the wine of Your blood

"My Eyes Are Dry" by Keith Green

I am working on a sitcom called "Calefare" with Gurmit, Benjamin Heng, Fiona, Mastura and Vadi in it. The vibe in the show is do different from other drama/sitcom I have worked on because of the environment, aka in-studio. For once I do not have to worry about traffic or apologise to the crew on behalf of RSAF for ruining the shot. In terms of sound recording is concerning it's the perfect place to record sound for a show. Whatever the reason why the shoot has a good vibe for me is because it helped me to realise I need Jesus.

What does Jesus has to do with TV production? As a Christian, if Jesus has nothing to do with my life, I am in trouble. I am a soundman for Jesus. I prayed before "Lord, let your light shine and if neccesary, use me." Most of those times since I said that prayer, I think I have only be a flicker of the flame the spirit wants to set me up to be.

I am already 32. The passion for Christ was set in me when I was a teenager. What have I done with that calling? I guess I've gone the other way and back; the other way and back; the other way and back - back and forth I go again and again and again. You know, I am sick of living my life this way. When I hear the songs or read verses that has inspired me in those days of youth I am stirred up in my spirit again and again. But everytime the trials of life just makes me lose my focus. No wonder I am a mess! Where the Lord can be Lord of my life and give me peace in those trials, I chose to go live my life on my own terms.

32 years old, Jenn. Now what? Do you want to look back when u are 42 and say "woah, I had such a great potential back then..." with regret? Or will I exclaim triumphantly "WOah, the spirit of my youth lives til today but more matured and refined by the Holy Spirit!". Life begins when ever the Lord touches our hearts. He has touched me constantly, though I have not live consistently in the light. I don't want to be a calefare in the world's stage anymore. I don't want to be famous, but I want to make Jesus famous in the hearts of people I meet.

Seal this prayer, Lord. Amen


*This entry was inspired after listening to loads of Keith Green, the first minister of the gospel to inspire me to live with passion and fire for God, whom I first heard in 1993.