Why do I doubt

I have no excuse or reasons, I just want God's best for u.

What I want

I just want to see u smile or hear u laugh. There may be agony but let there be an endless Alleluia on ur lips knowing all will end well. God did to bring you this far to fall apart. I may be presumptuous and paranoid all these while, but it is a feeling I cannot shake off. It is a sensitivity that is both a blessing and a curse. Come what may, be strong winds or rain; be it desert storms in a dry plain; like calmness over the sea with waves crashing in, beyond this, there is so much a that lays beyond for us to savor.

Where were u tonight? Did you find a good place to lay your head? Do lay there knowing tomorrow you will be filled with regrets? Perhaps your silence is teaching me what it means to trust you more. When you say u are ok, there is not other assurance than "ok" can give. So I let your "ok" be "ok" then.

The sun has come to play. How are u feeling in a few hours time? I want to know, but I am afraid ur voice may give away your true sentiments. I forever wish it will be laughter and on sense on the other line, I still wish for that. But with open arms, I wait to catch u if I heed ur cry for solace from me again. It is burden,but with God's help, it is light. He carries for u, but send me to talk to you.

Do I want to talk to you? Jenn, it takes time, u know? You cannot everyone to change over ight. There are habits to break and lifestyle to change. All these do to happen overnight. What are u going to do? Exactly what could I do and how far could I go?

Lord, I am so worried. Please give us wisdom and discernment; strength and a Christ-centered will to glorify your name. Help me trust in you and teach me; give me ur wisdom to say the rot things and the grace to carry on even if what I intended didn't accomplish it's desired outcome.

Happy 37th, JennO

Yup, it is weird. Don't ruin it. It will heal and everything will be sweeter as days go by. Help me, Lord. I dun wanna lose it!

Thankful

I am thankful how things turn out. Don't ruin it!

Five

If five is the number of grace, I definitely need it for five months of intense emotional roller coaster. I tried so hard to try and understand you and I am still learning. I realized that letting to of some people is hard to do, so I let to little belittle until I thought everything is manageable. Or so I thought.