A blur in the life of... Pt IV

This is not an official account of what really happened in the youth ministries of Grace A/G. I am just recounting what I thought happened.

Bro Edmund had a philosophy then that rock music cannot be used for evangelism. That was the reason he told me for not attending another combined A/G youth event. I was quite startled actually because I thought as a youth leader, he should understand the youth culture better than anyone else in church. GYA didn’t survive long. Bro Edmund left Singapore to Aussieland and it became a cell group after I “left” church in December 1994. However the core people led by Vincent and Chin Seng remained together for quite a long time.

What happened in 1995 and 1996 will always be remembered as the turning point of my adult life. It was the year I went for my national service and I was in a relationship where I almost ended my life. It was a year of realization of love, faith and hope. I found out who I really was and what I want to do with my life. I also realized who my real friends are and where my position in Christ Jesus really was.

I went into a relationship that ripped me apart. I thought she was a good Christian girl, who turned out to be manipulative and possessive. My relationship with my parents became a sour after an ugly confrontation over some money that was missing from the house. She maintained her innocence, I stood by her and my dad told her off that if she took the money, she would be cursed. After we broke off a mutual friend told me that the girl has always been suspected of stealing money from others. Up till today, I don’t know if she did steal the money. She was quite possessive in a way that she doesn’t want me to go home every night when I book out. As a result I had to lie to her just to spend time at home playing with the new Laser Disc system. She even followed me whenever I book out of camp for my medical appointment at Tan Tock Seng. We went to church once in a while. Every time I did, I was so happy to be in the midst of my friends. She complained that I seemed happier with them than with her.

To cut the long story short, I went to bro Dennis’ house to share about this relationship. There I was at his Queen’s Close flat crying in front of him. I told him that she threatened to kill herself if I leave her (oh so many times) and sis Jac shot back and said “Then let her be!” I was so stunned! She explained that if that girl claims to be a believer, she would not even think bout such thoughts. If she keeps using that to threatened me, I should just forsake this relationship. What happened at their house that night was fuzzy, but that statement changed my mind set about that relationship. I knew that relationship had to end!

In Nov 95, I told her that I want to go back to Sunday School because I wanted to graduate from Sunday School with my pals. She protested and after one week even asked me if I could give Sunday School a miss. I was persistent and I went to Sunday School. Even though I was missing for the whole of that year’s Sunday School, I manage to get my certificate as part of the most happening class in Sunday School history (hehehe… in my opinion). The relationship ended in February the following year.

1996 was a great year of learning for me. Although I still find learning a little difficult in Young Adults Class, I enjoyed all the lessons. I still kept the file of that class. At that time I was fighting against voices that tells me people are watching me (which is true), but I took it as an opportunity to show those who were watching that the Lord is changing me. I was not allowed to participate actively in any ministry. Even during the ministry attachment I was just attached to a team and wasn’t allowed to play. YAC was a time of discovering our gifts and ministry. Being involved in music ministry since sec 2, it was the only ministry that I see myself doing. Bro Dennis even joked that if I ever became a Sunday School teacher, I’ll bring the kids astray. It was very crude, right? But I know what he meant because back then, I was really weak in the word and music was the only thing in me that excel. I wasn’t offended at all. The whole class actually had a good laugh with me. At the end of 96, I was dating Xiaowei.