MY HELL

MY HELL LYRICS - DISCIPLE:

It's not found in throwing roses on a grave
Or in the cursed bottom of a bottled plague
It wasn't in the torment that will never fade
But I see the truth now

This was my hell living without You here
Even Heaven is hell if somehow You were not there
If You were not there

I have been travelling for most a month and a half now with two breaks back at home in between. One was for two nights and the other was 4 nights. This is the last two night break is the last one before the conclusion of the final two legs in Chengdu and Lijiang, China. Although it seems short, but what a great awakening I had!

Spending time with the Kids- playing with them, watching TV with them, watching them watch TV (Veggietales and Baby Can Read) was a joy although handlinmg a 4 year old and a 19mth old can be quite a chore. Realizing how much each one have grown - WOAH! A great awakening! A cause for rejoicing in the midst of fears and anxiety. That rejoicing comes only because we trust in the Lord.

Yesterday I had a great chat with SW. Once again, I forced myself to simply listen and not be too quick to shoot off. It paid devidence. First, in my own quietness, I was convicted of great treason by my conscience through SW's sharing of her encounters with others at work and through the children. I was greatly convinced that I have put God outside of my dealings in life. I may blame it on tiredness or peer pressure, but the one conclusion for all these is ill-discipline - a failure to act and react in the way I should. Why? Because of my prayerlessness which resulted in my dull senses to the promptings of the Holy Spirit; Prayerlessness which resulted in my lack of mental, physical and spiritual strength - I was a walking dead man. The biopsis is clear, the autopsy is conclusive. The body is alive but the source of it's strength is no where to be found. That is until I was awakened as I listened. SW was sharing about how her colleagues and students treated others unfairly, etc. She shared about the ungodly things that others do, I saw myself in them. I was like those people that she talked about. I suddenly realised my life has been a living hell because I have left God out of my life - A GREAT AWAKENING!

It wasn't in the flames that won't stop burning
Or within a fire that is never quenched
It wasn't in the brokenness of all my failings
But I see the truth now

This was my hell living without You here
Even Heaven is hell if somehow You were not there
If You were not there

I met Caleb briefly last night to pass him the snare drum. While talking to him I am reminded about the days I was in R-age where I discipline myself walk in righteousness. There were ups and downs, but it was a glorious walk. I may may be walking in a different way now (career and ministry wise), but it can still be a glorious walk to the end. There are 20 minuted before I depart to the airport. There are many opportunity to turn my life around again. To realign my bearings to where it should go.

Lord, I need to breathe You
Drink You, dream You
Nothing ever will compare
Need to breathe You, drink You
Dream You, need You...

*I was suppose to publish this on 21 June, but forgot to do so. When I arrived in Chengdu, it was too late. Kenna blocked by the Great Firewall of China. Whahaha...